Do you ever wonder what people think of you? Like maybe you're sitting around on the couch covered in a heaping pile of miscellaneous blankets and empty pudding bowls, watching The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, and then blurt out loud to your husband/friend/cat/alter ego... "What kind of an impression do I leave?".
What do people think of me?
What do the moms at my daughters school down the street call me? None of them know my name. Am I the lady with dirty dreadlocks? The lady who doesn't own a single pair of jeans and only wears skirts? The lady who sweats buckets every time she herds her four naked children down the street? ...or does anybody even see me?
A lot of the time in the real world, I feel completely invisible. Though I don't know how that's possible- I'm loud (always trafficking children and singing my every action), I leave an earthy glittery cloud of patchouli behind me, and I look like a patchwork swirl of rainbow from 5 miles away.
Anyways, I'll get to the point...
I woke up feeling half dead this morning. I still have mono. Week 9, I think? Or week 10? I can't even remember at this point, it feels like I've been sick forever (because I have), but- I drank 3 quarts of water, drowned my body in a mixture of every doTERRA product that ever was, ate something more than dark chocolate, and forced myself out of my way too comfortable bed to take my kids out to the Waldorfaire down in Honolulu like I had previously promised.
After the kids dug around in a giant sand pit filled with buried treasure stones, and went fishing for colorful magnetic trout, they moved onto whimsical sword and wand making (which cost like 19 scripts, might I add), and as I'm carrying my 25 lb bonnet wearing pink cheeked 11 month old on ye ol' hippie hip, a long haired organic looking grandma and her twin like daughter ring out, "Oh my gosh, how CUTE!". ...They're talking about Ruthie, you know, as is every other person that walks beside or behind us. Two people even stopped to take her picture today.
Enter weird thing here: so then the grandma with waist length beautiful grey silky hair says, "I don't know whos cuter, the baby, or the Mama".
I giggled my polite little thank you of a giggle, and then... wait, did a total stranger just give me a compliment? Because.. ? I'm so confused.
Yes. That totally just happened (#) ... I'm not invisible!
I wore a dress today. And my favorite turquoise spiral plugs that my husband got me for Christmas last year. And a pretty yellow floral scarf in my hair, kinda pirate style I guess. I don't wear makeup, so there was none of that nonsense- in fact, my forehead was covered in beadlets of sweat that I had to wipe off (with the tail end of my head scarf) approximately every 2 minutes because of how overheated and exhausted this adventure had left me. But what I'm saying is, I actually tried today. I wanted to look pretty. I sure didn't feel pretty, I felt like a walking parasite, but I wanted to at least put a little bit of effort into looking like a woman.
And that lady noticed.
And even if shes the only one that noticed. The only person on the entire planet who could see me.
I was seen.
Now... where are my yoga pants and pudding?